Say What You Said For the Purpose of Understanding
by Truly Christine
Summary: Elves have a vey sophisticated way of speaking. Did you ever wonder what they would sound like talking gangsta? These are a series of vignettes about Elves speaking with one another, written in both gangsta' and elvish style English.
1. A Father and Son Argue

Naruthírdír and his son Mordír are arguing. Mordír starts the argument.

"Why'd ya do that to me man?! You idiot! I mean first you break my arrows and bow (I busted my ass making them), and then you shoot my homeie Brégdor while he's tryin' to kill an orc!"

"Don't talk to me that way, you disrespectful oaf! I didn't snap your arrows and bow, you stepped on them! I didn't shoot your homeboy, you did! You were tryin' to kill that same orc while flirtin' with Arwen!"

"I didn't! I wouldn't! You don't know me at all! She's Aragorn's territory, and I wouldn't want a gang war with his entourage."

"Yes you were, you flirty monster!"

"Well, if I did, then it'a all your fault I'm screwed up! I hate you!"

"You know what, get outta my sight! I hope you fall into a ditch!"

**Now for the same argument, but in a more Elvish style.**

"For what purpose did you do that to me father? You are lacking intelligence. The first action that you took against me was to destroy my arrows and bow (I toiled much on them), and the second was to shoot my friend Brégdor while he was attempting to slay an orc."

"Do not speak to me in that manner! You are disrespectful. I did not destroy your arrows and bow, you stepped on them. You were the one that shot your friend. You were attempting to slay the orc while speaking lustfully to Arwen."

"I did no such thing! I would not do such a thing. You must not know my character. She is betrothed to Aragorn, and I would not desire a war with Gondor."

"You did behave in such a manner. You are a lustful monster!"

"I do no admit my guilt, however, if I had behaved in such an abominable manner, it would be so because of you. I abhor you."

"Be gone from my sight! I desire your fall into a hole."

_A/N: I would like help from anyone who thinks they can make it sound more like Elves talking. I used dreamingfifi's website to help me with a lot of the Elvish style dialogue, but it isn't perfect._


	2. Two Warriors Converse After Battle

Two elf warriors, Mistnír and Naerion, talk to one another after a major loss, and then report to Celeborn. Mistnír starts the conversation.

"So, look at all our dead peeps. That was a nasty bunch o' orcs we fought."

"Yeah, they sure gave us a screwing. Look what one of 'em did to my sword, it's screwed up like Narsil."

"What we stickin' around for? We should give a holla' to Celeborn; those orcs are hidin' somewhere, I know it!"

"Buh..."

"Come on, get off your ass! Lets go!"

"K, I'll go. But I don' wanna"

_Time passes and they have now gotten council with Celeborn._

"So, wha' wen' down?"

"The orcs capped mad soldiers." replied Mistnír.

"Where the rest o' you at?"

"They got capped" answered Mistnír once again.

"How d'you get outta there?"

"We fought mad gangsta and we've got mad skills" yet again supplied by Mistnír.

"Yo' screwin' wit' me!"

"Yeah! We ran away and hid!" confessed Naerion.

"Yo' should be ashamed! Get out!"

_Later, Mistnír says to Naerion_

"Damn you."

**Now for the same conversation, but in a more Elvish style.**

"See all the slain warriors. We fought a mighty band of orcs."

"It is true. They defeated us greatly. See what one of them did to my sword, it has been shattered like Narsil"

"For what purpose do we linger? We should carry the word to Celeborn, the orcs hide somewhere, I know it!"

"I do not believe tha..."

"With speed, stand and come! We go!"

"I give my consent to you, however hesitant I am."

_Time passes and they have now gotten council with Celeborn._

"What word do you bring of the battle?"

"Many allies were slain, however, many enemies remain, hidden."replied Mistnír.

"Where is the rest of your company?"

"The orcs fought until all of our warriors were slain."answered Mistnír once again.

"If that is the circumstance, how were you able to escape?"

"We fought greatly and have much power."yet again supplied by Mistnír.

"You lie to me!"

"It is true! We cowered and concealed ourselves!"confessed Naerion.

"Have much shame for yourselves! Be gone from my court!"

_Later, Mistnír says to Naerion_

"I abhor you"


	3. Two Sisters Speaking Before Bed

Two sisters, Dúrwen and Ólsel, are talking before bed about the men that they love. Dúrwen starts.

"So sis, guess who I saw today? Bórdír, that sexy beast!"

"He's blazin', but Culas is the hottest of everyone!"

"Nah, yo' screwed up, Bórdír's killed mad rival gangs, and your man Culas is a moron!"

"Wha' the hell yo' talkin' 'bout?! He's smarter than Bórdír, who thought an orc was Fangorn! That orc killed mad elves 'cause o' him!"

"He was mad tired!"

"More like he was mad dumb." mumbled Ólsel to herself. "Culas's ol' man was in the Last Alliance"

"He ran away! Culas is an ass."

"Oh no yo' di'nt!"

"Oh yah I did!"

_A catfight ensues, and then their father Halion walks in._

"Stop tha' crap 'fo' I slap ya upside the head!"

"Ólsel was rankin' on Bórdír!"

"Dúrwen was rankin' on Culas!"

"Shut ya' mouths 'fo' I beat the shit outta ya! Dúrwen, yo' got yo' man, and Ólsel yo' got yo man, so shut up."

"K, but Culas still trippin'" mumbled Dúrwen to herself

"I heard dat!"

"Damn you"

**Now for the same conversation/argument, but in a more Elvish style.**

"Sister, today I saw Bórdír, who is very beautiful."

"He is so, but Culas is the fairest of all"

"Sister, you are mistaken. Bórdír has slain many enemies, and Culas lacks intelligence."

"What is this that you speak of? He is more intelligent than Bórdír, who believed an orc was Fangorn. An orc does not appear to be an ent, dear sister. That orc slayed many elves due to his fault."

"Bórdír was weary, and it was necessary that he sleep, however, he did not."

"The more likely circumstance was that he was lacking in intelligence" mumbled Ólsel to herself. "The father of Culas was in the Last Alliance."

"He fled. Culas is orc dung."

"Tell me that you did not do what it appears that you did."

"I did do what it appears that I did."

_A heated argument ensues, and their father, Halion walks in._

"Cease that before I must punish you."

"Father, Ólsel insults Bordír!"

"Dúrwen insults Culas!"

"Cease speaking before I must bring harm to your body! Ólsel, you have your love, and Dúrwen, you have your's. They both have great worth in them, and it must be respected."

"I give my consent to you, however,Culas is without logic."

"I heard that."

"I feel disgust at you."


	4. Two Elves Meet in the Forest

Two elves, Prestolion and Glírwen, meet in the forest, and converse about their respective journeys. Prestolion begins.

"Yo bitch! Wha's yo' name?"

"Glírwen. Wha's yo' name?

"My name's Prestolion. Where yo' from?"

"Mirkwood."

"Tha's mad thuroh yo! I'm from Rivendell. Wha's up?"

"I was shootin' goblins in Moria wit' da dwarves. Hah 'bou' yo'?"

I was fightin' orcs at Amon Hen. 'Fo' tha', I was walkin' wit some rangahs from Gondor. We was walkin' in Fangorn Forest an we saw a gang o' ents, an' I said 'Yo ents, how's i' goin'? I've nevah seen a real ent befo'! My crib's go' a load of drawin's o' ents. Yah mad thuroh!' they jus' walked away. I said 'Yah assholes get yah asses back here, or I'll screw yah up so bad, yah all think yah all'll nevah see the sun again!'. Then the rangahs kicked me out, an' I wen' to Amon Hen, then here."

"Tha's thuroh! But' shootin goblins was mad fun yo! When I firs' go' there, the dwarf guy said 'Wha's yo' doin' here, elf-bitch?' 'I'm here ta help yah wit' yah goblin prob, so be nice to me!' 'Like I'd evah be nice to an elf! Go 'way 'fo' I slap yo' upside the' head!' 'I'm comin' in anyway!' Then I came here"

"You's blazin'!"

Thanks. Shootin' goblins makes me look mad sexy...Wait! Was yo' even lis'nin' ta me?!"

"Yeah! You was shootin' goblins in Moria wit' da dwarves, but' they di'nt want yo' there."

"K., but' I gotta go. I's gonna take forevah toa get home. By."

"By."

**Now for the same conversation, but in a more elvish style.**

"Hail, fair maiden! What is your name?"

"My name is Glírwen. What is your name?"

"My name is Prestolion. From where do you come?"

"I am of Mirkwood."

"That interests me. I am of Rivendell. What brings you here?"

"I fought goblins in Moria with the dwarves. What brings you here?"

"I fought orcs at Amon Hen. Before I did that, I was travelling with a group of rangers of Gondor. We walked in Fangorn Forest, and we encountered a group of ents. I said to them 'Hail ents! How are you? You interest me. There are many paintings of ents in my home, however, I have never seen a living ent.' However, the ents left. I called out 'Return, with speed!'. The rangers sent me into exile then. I went to Amon Hen, and then I came here."

" That tale interests me. Slaying goblins gave me much joy, however, when I arrived, the guard of the gate told me 'For what purpose are you here, she-elf?' 'I am here to assist you in your battles with the goblins, therefore I deserve respect.' 'I would never respect an elf! Be gone from here before I bring harm to you!' 'I enter still!'.Then I came here."

"You are extraordinarily beautiful."

"Were you not listening to me?"

"I was listening to you. You fought goblins in Moria with the dwarves, and they did not desire your presence."

"That is what happened, however it is necessary that I leave. I know not how many days will pass before I arrive home. Have a good day!"

"Have a good day!"


	5. A Father Tries to Teach His Sons Archery

Meathor is teaching his sons, Hírvegil and Cúion, how to shoot. He addresses them both.

"K. So the firs' thin' ya' do is take the' bow an' put it arm's len'th from yo' head. The' pull a arrow off yo' back an' put it across th' bow, sittin' on yo' hand. Put two fingahs aroun' the arrow at the string, pull back, an' let go. Got that?"

"K." is heard from both the sons. Then Meathor decides to give Hírvegil some individual help.

"No yo' dumbass! The _string_ is by yo' head, not the' curve!"

"Well, I ain't nevah saw it, an' all yo' said was put the bow at arm's len'th." Just then, an arrow whizzes by Meathor's head.

"Yo dad, I got it!" yelled Cúion.

"Tha's good son!"

"Yeah, I got mad skills!" After hearing this exchange, Hírvegil walked in front of his father.

"How 'bou' me?" he asked hopefully.

"Ha! Yo' suck boy! I'm sorry, but' yo' gotta face da music sometime, yo' suck!"

"I's cuz yo' ain't nevah helped me befo'!"

"I tried yo!"

"Fo' two minutes! Yo' call tha' helpin'!?"

"'S'nah ma faul' yo' can't shoot no arrows!"

"Yo' screwed up yo!" As Hírvegil storms off, Cúion walks up to their father.

"Yo dad, maybe I can teach 'im 'ow ta shoot."

"Yo' can't teach tha' idiot."

"Yo' not givin' 'im a chance. Maybe yo' not a good teachah!"

"Ah yo' disrespectin' me!? I am yo' fathah!"

"Yo's a nasty asshole!"

"Ge' lost! Yo' gonna get it buh good latah!"

_Time passes, and Cúion finds Hírvegil crying beside the river._

"Yo mah bro. Don' lis'en to his shit, he's mad dumb." I's sure tha' if I give yo' a lesson, yo'll be bettah than anyone."

"Buh I can't! Yo' saw me; I suck!" he says through sobs.

"C'mon. Stand up and copy me." Hírvegil copies him and manages to get everything lined up properly, and yet still his arrow goes nowhere. It hits the ground, while Cúion's hit's a far off tree.

"Screw this shit! I can't do it! I'll nevah be a good fightah! Wha's wrong wit' me!?"

"C'mon. 'S'all good." he says softly and calmly in an attempt to calm his younger brother. Hírvegil continues crying for several minutes. "Hírvegil, come on, shut up already!" He only cries louder, and Cúion storms off, exasperated. Being so exasperated, he didn't notice when he dropped something as he walked, but Hírvegil did.

"Cúion, yo' dropped some..." Cúion is gone. "Wow, dad nevah let me touch a...sword...befo'." he says with much awe. He picks it up. "'S'mad cool." All of a sudden, an orc ambushes the elfling, and to his surprise, he chops the orc's head off with one clean sweep. "Tha' was mad easy! I can do somethin' right! This's fun! Dad, come see!!" He comes.

"Wha's the mattah wit' yo'? Don' yo' know I's busy?" He sees the orc. "Wha' happened, yo!?"

"I killed tha' thing."

"Wit' what? Yo' worse than shit a' fightin'!"

"I used Cúion's sword! I' was the easies' thin' I evah done."

"Yo' ain' done tha'!"

"I did" Another orc jumps out from behind some bushes, and yells as he tries to kill them

"I's saw the whole thin', yo' boy's got mad skills!" Hírvegil picks up the sword and kills this orc just as easily as the last.

"Yo' mad good wit' a sword, boy."

"Somebody's gotta say sorry righ' 'bou' now."

**Now for the same situation in a more Elvish style.**

"What is done first is to hold the bow at arm's length away from the head. Afterwards, an arrow is pulled from the quiver and is lain across the bow, as it rests on your hand. Next, one must place two of their fingers around the back end of the arrow, before the strand. Third is to pull back the strand and arrow, and then remove the fingers from the arrow, therefore releasing it."

"I understand." is heard from both sons. They both attempt to shoot. Meathor decides to give Hírvegil individual help.

"No, you are not performing the task correctly. The _strand_ is beside your head, not the curve."

"The fault lies not with me, for I have never seen it performed." At that percise moment, an arrow whizzes by Meathor's head.

"Father, I have achieved it!" called Cúion.

"That was done very well." replied his father. After hearing this exchange, Hírvegil walked in front of his father.

"Have you any good to speak of me?" he asked hopefully.

"You lack skill son, I am sad for you, however this is something that is necessary for you to understand."

"That is the circumstance for you have never before assisted me."

"I have attempted to do so."

"Your attempt lasted for only two minutes. That is not sufficient assistance."

"By no fault of mine do you lack skill at archery."

"You lack logic!" As Hírvegil storms off, Cúion walks up to their father.

"Father, perhaps I will be able to give to him knowledge of archery."

"It is not possible to give to him knowledge."

"You do not permit him to test his abilities. Perhaps you lack skill at passing knowledge."

"Do you disrespect me?! I am your father!"

"You are evil!"

"Be gone! You are to be punished severely for your actions!"

_Time passes, and Cúion finds Hírvegil crying beside the river._

"Brother, do not trouble yourself with his fell words. He knows not of what he speaks. I know that if I give to you my knowledge of archery, you will become a greatly skilled archer."

"I can do no such thing! You witnessed my attempt at firing an arrow, I lack skill!" he says through sobs.

"Come now. Stand and repeat my actions." Hírvegil copies him and manages to get everything lined up properly, and yet still his arrow goes nowhere. It hits the ground, while Cúion's hit's a far off tree.

"I stop my attempt at this impossible task! I cannot achieve it! I will not be a great warrior! What is my fault!" he yells as he falls to his knees and begins to sob uncontrollably.

"Everything is alright. Cease weeping." he says softly and calmly in an attempt to calm his younger brother. Hírvegil continues crying for several minutes. "Hírvegil, you are beginning to frustrate me. I beg of you, cease weeping!" He only cries louder, and Cúion storms off, exasperated. Being so exasperated, he did not notice when he dropped something as he walked, but Hírvegil did.

"Cúion, you have dropped..." but Cúion is gone. "Father has never permitted me to touch a...sword...before." he says with great awe. He picks it up "This inspires much awe." Suddenly, an orc ambushes the elfling, and to his surprise, he chops the orc's head off with one clean sweep. "That feat was not difficult! It gives me much joy! I do have skill at some task! Father, come and see what I have done!" Meathor comes.

"For what purpose do you call for me to come here? Do you not know that I have much to do?" He sees the orc. " What was done here?!"

"I have slain this orc."

"By what means? You lack the skill of a warrior."

"I slayed it with the sword of Cúion. It was the least difficult feat I have ever performed."

"You did no such thing."

"I did slay the orc!" Another orc jumps out from behind some bushes, and yells as he tries to kill them

"I saw the fight, your son did slay my companion; he has much skill with a sword!" Hírvegil picks up the sword and kills this orc just as easily as the last.

"You are a great swordsman!"

"Father, it is necessary for you to apologize to me now."

_A/N: Any similarity with the relationship of Denethor to Boromir and Faramir/Boromir to Faramir is purely coincidental. I was halfway through this when I realized that it was sort of sounding familiar._


End file.
